Hateful comments about Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars

All of my friends are liberal supporters of LGBT people, so sometimes I forget just how hateful and uneducated many people in the world are about understanding and compassion towards transgender individuals.  The latest freakout about Chaz Bono (Sonny and Cher's FTM son) on ABC's Dancing with the Stars is an example of just how much education the rest of the world really needs.

According to this article on Jezebel, supporters of DwtS have taken to posting on the ABC message boards about how disgusted they are with the network for including a transgender person on the show.  They claim that it is destroying the family nature of the show, that it is flaunting 'confused people' in their face, showing too much 'homosexual lust' and destroying Christian values.  The comments are hateful and judgmental, considering trans people to be freaks and outcasts who shouldn't be depicted as normal.  It's a sad look into the reality that many people see to be true.

All of these comments are exactly why Chaz Bono should be on the show.  Despite the fact that he isn't truly a 'star' for anything other than being the child of Sonny and Cher, Chaz is proving to be a great representative for the FTM community, a population that is all but invisible in the public eye. Showing that his gender identity will have absolutely nothing to do with his performance on the show or his dancing, and that he certainly isn't 'flaunting' anything simply by just being himself.  He is an opportunity to teach young people about the female-to-male transition (if parents choose to do so) and shows that transgender individuals are people.

I don't watch DwtS and I'm not going to start now, but I'm happy that ABC are giving Chaz Bono a chance to raise awareness about trans men. We clearly have a LOT of work to do in raising tolerance and acceptance for transgender people, and comments like these make me realize how far off we really are.

Oh, you're not gay? On my invisible pansexuality

My sexuality is fluid and I consider myself pansexual. I am still queer-identified though I have been in a straight appearing relationship with a man for almost four years. Outwardly, we look straight and people make the assumption that I am straight. I wear a rainbow colored bracelet around my wrist for a few reasons -- mostly because I just like rainbow colors, but also because I enjoy having the solidarity with my queer identity. It's like wearing a wedding ring to signal that you're married, I wear my rainbow bracelet to show that I'm queer. It doesn't make me love my boyfriend any less or wish I was dating anyone else. I just really don't care about gender, that's not why I love him.

I was getting my hair done in the Mission area of San Francisco last week, and I was casually making awkward conversation with my stylist to pass the time. I mentioned my boyfriend in passing, and she interrupted me and said "Wait, your boyfriend? I thought you were gay!" and pointed to my bracelet. I replied with, "I'm queer, but yes, I have a boyfriend." She kind of stayed quiet after that and I could see her kind of pondering how that could be possible. It was complete blindness to the concept of a bisexual orientation (or the possibility that I or my partner are transgender). Even though I don't consider myself bi, sometimes I will tell people that I'm bi just to save the inevitable conversation where I explain to them what pansexuality is. I should take the time to educate people, but it can be kind of awkward when I don't know the person.

This is just one example about how queer identities that aren't strictly same-sex can be stigmatized or erased. If other people see me walking down the street with Mr. Boyfriend, they assume we're straight. There is no possible way I could have a boyfriend and be anything BUT straight. Bisexuality isn't really seen as a queer identity, it's just something that you do while drunk. It's not really a Big Deal(tm) that people don't see me as queer when we're together -- being pansexual isn't something I necessarily want everyone to see in passing while they walk by. But assumptions like the one at the hair salon happen all the time. I've had it mentioned in gay clubs before - "why are you here? You're straight!" or from other gay people - "You wouldn't understand because you're straight."

Sometimes, wearing that bracelet helps other LGBT people know they can connect with me. At the Game Developers Conference in San Francisco this year, I was wearing my bracelet. Someone in the game industry who I didn't know walked up to me and asked if I was going to go to the LGBT Game Developers roundtable. I didn't even know that mixer existed, and if this person hadn't spotted my rainbow bracelet and saw me as a potential attendee, I wouldn't have gone to what was a very interesting event. I've struck up conversation with people at coffee shops about local queer-geared events. Sometimes having my visible 'proof' has been a good way to meet people and find conversation about similar interests.

I own up to my privilege. I know that I'm a middle class white cis woman who is able bodied (at least for now) and has had a lot of opportunities that others don't have. But people can be privileged in some regards and marginalized in others. I don't think it's fair that I have to answer to straight privilege when I am not straight. This is why there should be more careful discussions around privilege when it's not necessarily clear how people themselves are marginalized. I don't know people's income levels, their sexuality, or their mental health status just by looking at them. We love to bucket people into clearly divided groups based on affordances, but we should be mindful that we're not making assumptions about people based on our own stereotypical preconceived notions of what marginalized people look like.

Adventures in Minnesota

I am in Minnesota for a whole week, and it's been a rather eye-opening experience.  I was born and raised here for 23 years and I am an only child, so when I come home to visit it is just to spend a bit of time with my parents and the few friends that I have kept in contact with since moving to California four years ago.  This visit was carefully scheduled to coincide with the MN State Fair, a food extravaganza unlike any other.  It's pretty ridiculous how much fried food this fair has.  If you think your fair compares, you really have no idea. The MN State Fair is absolutely enormous. 

While here, I've been noticing just how much I don't fit in here.  Not just within the state culture, but also within my own family.  My mom and dad are both very much consumed by alcoholism.  Their only hobbies include drinking - such as going to the bar with their friends, going to car shows, and playing darts/beanbags at bars.  They both come home from work and begin drinking immediately and continue until bedtime, knocking back 6 beers each easily, sometimes more.  My mom becomes incoherent and insufferable while she's drunk to the point where I don't want to be anywhere near her.  Before I moved away, this was a major source of contention between us.  She always feels like I am judging her, and I always feel like she puts her addictions ahead of her family.  It's hard to tell who she really is anymore -- the alcoholism and her escalating and untreated mental health issues have consumed her and drowned out the personality that I used to know.  And my dad, well, he's always been a conservative white dude.  Since being here three days he has railed against fat people, against blacks, against people who ride bicycles, and against poor people.  He's only 50 too, so it's not like he's an 80 year old man stuck in his ways.

I can't deny that I have changed.  Since moving to CA, I found feminism, grew up a lot and became independent, started to become a fierce ally for LGBT issues, realized that I am pansexual, and started to live the diversity of culture.  While I'm here, I feel like I don't fit in.  I notice just how white the MN State Fair is and what a monoculture it is. Minneapolis was recently heralded for beating out San Francisco as the gayest city in the United States, but there is a definite divide between the two Twin Cities.  St. Paul is a more conservative and traditional city, and of course it's where my parents live.

I really love California.  It's not perfect, and it's certainly a hell of a lot more expensive, but I feel like it's worth it just for the diversity and the culture that is missing here in Minnesota.  I have 4 more days to try to get along with my parents.  I hope I make it!

Halfway through The Handmaid's Tale

The Handmaid's Tale has been on my Goodreads "to read" list for months, maybe even a year. It is Margaret Atwood's dystopian novel about what would happen if the U.S. government was overthrown and women were used as nothing but vehicles for baby creation. It's a chilling science fiction book that reeks of hints of truth and moments of absolute parallel to the world we live in. I'm halfway through the book and I can't put it down -- it's riveting and scary and emotional and everything I love books to be. Every feminist should read this book.

*Spoilers below*

In this book, the protagonist "Offred" is a Handmaid who has been pulled apart from her husband and her child and placed inside a rigid society where her being is completely defined by shame, ritual, religion, and reproduction. She is not allowed to read or talk to other women, she has been stripped of her name and her identity and is placed in a room on her own with the mirrors removed. She has to lay there and be fucked by the Commander of her house while his wife lays behind her, and if she happens to be lucky enough to get pregnant she will hand the child off to the wife after he/she has been born. If she isn't so lucky, she will be cast away as an Unwoman.

Handmaids are mentored by Aunts who attempt to convince them that they were being sluts and shameful terrible women back in the former world, and that absolving themselves by giving themselves entirely to this new society is the way for redemption. These Aunts use manipulative language and religious quotes to convince Handmaids that what they are doing now is honorable, safe, and better than life used to be.

This book looks at class, race, gender, and occupation in a way that they haven't been looked at before. Pardon me, while I get back to reading it....

Educating fledgling feminists

When I was first discovering what "feminism" really meant and trying to learn as much as I could, I struggled to understand.  It wasn't because of an inability to grasp the basic concepts, it was because the learning curve is very steep and many feminist bloggers have done all of the educating for one lifetime that they plan on doing. I don't blame them -- it's hard work to educate people about Feminist 101 concepts, especially when there are many sites that exist solely to do just that.

However, at times I felt like it slowed my learning down -- or that my knowledge was dependent upon finding the right sources when I researched concepts.  I didn't know about ableist language (and calling something "lame" or "crazy" was a part of my daily repertoire) and I didn't know about many things that could be considered classist, cissexist or heteronormative.  I knew that I reeked of privilege but didn't know how to own that privilege.  

One thing that I loved is how Melissa at Shakesville has been keeping a Feminist 101 guide in which she links to previous posts so that other people can find them.  That way, if I want to know what rape culture is I can find her corresponding explanation.  I'd like to say that I want to do this too, but I'm not sure I'm the right one to put that information out there.  I'm still learning.  But I do think there is value in my trying to explain feminist concepts -- because I think the nature of my fledgdom could result in lower level basic information that might be easier for newbies to grasp.  However, I might get things wrong.  I'm going to try to do it though. 

I know there are more people like that, people that could be fierce allies to the feminist movement and culture who don't even realize what feminism is all about.  How do we find those people?  How do I find more fledglings?

How I Learned I was a Feminist

Hey everyone! Tami somehow roped me into contributing here, and since I'm going to make an effort to do that on a somewhat regular basis, I figured I should introduce myself. My name is Caitlin, I'm 26, and I live in Tami's backyard (it's a long story). Here is my feminist click moment!

This whole world of feminism is all very new to me. I know almost absolutely nothing about it, yet I think I am one. And I think I SHOULD be one. But am I any good at it? Probably not yet, but that is why I am learning!

It was not very long ago that a friend of mine (who shall remain nameless, though I’m sure you could guess) started becoming interested in this strange concept called “feminism.” She started scolding me for using words like “bitch” or “slut.” She started pointing out and getting offended by sexist comments and jokes that she heard. She started going on slightly “holier-than-thou” tirades about women, equality, sexism, blah, blah, blah… I had NO idea where all this was coming from.

Here is a brief summary of several conversations we’ve had.

“WTF is up with all this feminism nonsense?” I ask.

“It’s not nonsense and I can guarantee you that you are already a feminist,” she tells me.

For some reason feminism was a scary word, a label that I didn’t quite like the feel of when it rolled off her tongue. In fact, it is something that I am still getting used to. If I had to describe myself in 3 words, I do not think feminist would make the list.

Anyway, I replied with a “How am I a feminist?”

“You believe that women and men should be paid equally for the same jobs, right?” And I of course said yes. “Well then, you’re a feminist” she tells me.

What? ME? A crazy femi-nazi? I don’t think so, that’s not feminism, that’s just wanting equality!

She asks me, “What do you think feminism IS exactly?”

[Insert all sorts of stereotypes about feminism]

To all of which she replied “Um, no. Here, read this book.”

And she handed me Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti.

I read it and I found it interesting. I read it and I found I agreed with things. I read it and I disagreed with things. I read it and found some things hard to swallow. I read it and got SO PISSED OFF about things. I think I may have even teared up a bit here or there. But seriously, it got me thinking.

Why do I feel that feminism is a four letter word?

Why do I want to lose weight, wear make-up, etc? Is it ok that I still enjoy reading Cosmo (because I do)?

Why do I feel the need to call women bitches or sluts? Do I really mean what I’m saying? What AM I saying exactly?

Seriously, my brain was freaking out for a while. In fact, I am still sorting this entire thing out.

So, here goes. Feminism noob takes on the world!

I'm going back to college, college, college!

I've been toying with the idea of "going back to school" for quite some time now. (Backstory: In Minnesota I was 3/4 done with a degree in nursing when I was recruited to come to San Diego and work on video games for a living. I dropped the degree, huzzah!) I'm pretty damn successful in my career now, and I don't actually *need* any sort of degree. I'm a video game producer, and a few project management classes here or there would come in handy, but unless I want to become a CEO I'm probably safe from needing an MBA. But, I still want a degree. So if I don't need a degree for my career, why don't I get a degree in something I'm passionate about and very interested in? Women's Studies is the #1 contender.

I don't have the time to actually GO to the classes, which is a bummer but it's real life. I need to do these classes online, which severely limits my choices.

So I've been looking at my options in the Bay Area. There are some interesting programs here. City College has a Women's Studies program and an LGBT Studies program (the first in the nation) but they are both only AA degrees and neither are available online. They don't have any sort of agreement with 4-year institutions for guaranteed admissions, so that's a fail. Of course Berkeley has a Gender and Women's Studies program, but I'm not getting into THAT anytime soon (nor is it online). San Francisco State University has a program as well, but it too is not online. And Cal State East Bay has an online Women's Studies BA with an asterisk by it. When I called them they told me that the curriculum is all set and ready to go, but that they don't have the funding to actually launch the program. They're speculating it won't be available until 2012, perhaps later (if not at all). This could work out for me, because I have probably two years of generals to complete first. Finally, UMass Dartmouth has a BA Women's Studies major that is entirely online, but it is expensive.

The good thing is that California has pretty good articulation agreements between local community colleges and the large universities. I can attend the College of San Mateo and complete the transfer requirements for any of the universities (except Berkeley) and get a guaranteed admission provided my GPA is good. So my plan of attack is to attend community college, finish up all the general requirements for admission to Cal State East Bay or SFSU, and see what happens in two years. I start with an admissions test tomorrow to see what Math/English I fall into. I'm not looking forward to taking math, especially in an online format where it will likely be harder to learn. I'm excited though, and hoping I'm not biting off more than I can chew!

Anyone else have a Women's Studies degree, and do you regret it in any way?